DO YOU BELONG TO THE “SANDWICH GENERATION”; A CLUB YOU NEVER SIGNED UP FOR?

  How do you navigate the complexity of multigenerational families? Do you find all the responsibility overwhelming? Welcome to the club you probably didn’t want to join. 

It’s hard enough managing all the needs of your own immediate family but then add aging parents into the mix and things get complicated. The term “sandwich generation” refers to middle aged adults (typically between 40 and 60 years) who are simultaneously caring for their young children and their elderly parents. Now add another layer of caregiving, a grandparent or an adult child returning to the nest, and you’ve become a member of “club sandwich.” Balancing home life and work can be exhausting. You spend 8 hours at your job and then add on commuting, kids’ activities, grocery shopping, meal prep, cleaning and more. Then you squeeze in time for assisting your elderly parents with things like housework, yard work, self-care and travelling to and from appointments. And let’s not forget about grandma and helping her with chores or providing your adult child with rent-free accommodation while they pay off student loans. This trifecta of care-giving can lead to stress, time constraints and financial implications as you struggle to manage all the various needs of a club sandwich family. 

     Dealing with the obligations of three generations is tough, especially when the onus of care traditionally falls on women. Yes, men have made strides in taking on responsibilities for child care and elder care but we haven’t reached total equality yet; women are still disproportionally caregiving providers. And this type of dynamic is ripe for feelings of resentment over shared responsibilities, further stressing already strained relationships within the family. You may find it impacts your mental well-being, your physical health and even your overall quality of life. It may be difficult to focus on yourself, participate in your normal leisure activities or make room for quality family time. Or you may have to cancel a vacation or delay retirement due to the increasing monetary costs of caring for so many generations of family members. 

    How you do manage all the stress when you’re caught in the middle between caring for your children, caring for your parents and others?  Prioritize your self-care. Too often when caring for the needs of others you neglect the needs of yourself. Exercise, mindfulness and social interaction are some of the things that contribute to personal well-being; crucial for managing stress. Delegate responsibility where you can and don’t try and do everything yourself. Adopt structure and routine, organization is key when juggling so many responsibilities. Communicate openly, your family members need to know when you need help or feel over burdened. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries. We all have our limits and you should feel comfortable saying no to people when they demand too much of you. Ask your employer for flexible work arrangements and if they provide access to counselling services. Look for  government programs that may offer financial aid or respite care and other services for care givers. Non-profit organizations may also provide resources for families struggling to meet the conflicting demands of a multigenerational family. If you are feeling overwhelmed and need of assistance, consider reaching out to a registered clinical counsellor for support in managing all the pressure. You don’t need to feel weighed down with guilt, worry or resentment. Guided therapy can help you make better choices and lead you on a path to living your best life.