What's Birth Order Got To Do With It?

    Is birth order effect pop psychology or science?  A stand-up comedian makes a joke about forgetting his middle brother’s name and we laugh because we can all relate. Have you ever wondered if birth order influences personality? Are you the responsible first born, the forgotten middle child or the carefree baby of the family?  A lonely only? 

      My sisters like to joke that I’m the spoiled one, the baby, the only one of four kids to get a trampoline,( back in the eighties when trampolines were the envy of the neighbourhood). Yes, I got extras but I was also a latch key kid. Five years younger than the third born, I had a lot of responsibility, walking to and from school alone  (truth, the elementary school was across the street) and preparing my own lunches. In some ways I fell into a subgroup of birth order theory, a strange combination, the only and the baby. But what does birth order really have to do with it? The reality is complicated.

      Alfred Adler, an Austrian doctor and psychotherapist, developed the theory of birth order effect in the early 20th century. Revolving around the belief that we are all social beings and our behaviour has social meaning, his theory suggests that the number of siblings, and the order in which they are born, affect one’s personality and potential. In other words, birth order influences the strengths and weaknesses in a person’s psychological make-up.

     The first born thrives under the undivided attention of their parents but can feel resentment when a sibling comes along. They experience stricter rules, shoulder more responsibility and bear the weight of their parents’ high expectations. They have high intelligence, are often perfectionists, and are organized, serious and goal orientated, geared to becoming achievers and leaders in the workplace. Conversely, they are also the most likely of siblings to suffer from neurosis. 

   The baby, the last born, can be affectionate and charming, often the class clown, good at manipulating others, spoiled and impatient. They have one of two paths in life, an obvious journey to success, excelling at everything they do or becoming avoidant, accustomed to having everything done for them. Under a relaxation of parents’ rules and greater freedoms, they often become very creative, outgoing and rebellious.   

    And then there’s the only, socialized by their parents and other adults, they develop into “small” grown-ups at a young age. Creative and intelligent, they are also stubborn, set in their ways, unaccustomed to sharing, and fiercely protective of their alone time.

   Wait a minute, let’s not forget the middle child, the peacekeeper and mediator of the family. Sometimes competing with the eldest or sometimes rebelling, they are good at compromise and negotiation but oft forgot, they frequently feel lost and, struggling to find their place within the family, they forge strong external friendships. Neither resentful nor indulgent, they are the most likely to succeed in their chosen field. 

     Do these traits fit the sibling dynamic in your family? Although commonalities across birth order suggests that is does partly influence psychological development, it also stands to reason that stereotypical traits are perceived only after one is aware of birth order.

 As people, we are constantly adjusting to the sociological environment around us and in turn, any effects of birth order are mitigated by our different experiences. Furthermore, one’s confidence and opinion of themselves also determines outlook and attitude in life.

      If you’re interested in exploring more about birth order theory, and how personality develops in response to both siblings and parents, reach out to a licensed clinical counsellor. 

You may also want to learn about a related concept called attachment theory which focuses on the importance of a child’s emotional bond with their parents and how it influences relationships into adulthood. Talking about family, and your place within it, can help you uncover truths about yourself and forge a new understanding of children’s varied experiences within the same family dynamic. Learning about ourselves and our relationships is all part of the journey towards a happier, healthier life.