I have been wanting to write this blog for awhile. The problem is that I don't even know where to start. This basically sums up my entire journey understanding ADHD, what it means in my own family, how to find resources and where to go for support. It's a bit like swimming through murky water. As with many things in our medical system, we have to become our biggest advocate when it comes to ADHD, do a ton of research and figure out the best path forward by speaking with others, weaving our own treatment plan and connecting all the dots based on trust, a hunch and a sprinkle of good luck. This is not for the faint of heart. But I can say, that learning about ADHD and supporting families members who may be struggling with it, is so worth it. We all have unique brains that bring us individual strengths and while having a diagnosis can sometimes be stigmatizing, a label does not inform who you are as a person. For some people, getting a diagnosis is empowering and can bring a giant sense of relief. I will preface the next part of this by saying I am not an expert in this area. I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor and do have some experience supporting clients with ADHD or family members, but I am not a doctor nor can I diagnose. It is a constant learning journey. I am sharing what I have found to be helpful for myself and my family so please take these tips with a grain of salt. We all navigate this with a different path and sometimes we have to bushwhack our way through because the forage is thick! First off, how do you know it is time to consider an ADHD assessment for your child? There is a huge range in neurodivergent children and no two are alike. Gone are the days where ADHD was mainly attributed to hyperactive little boys. It includes a wide range of people who may be classified with the hyperactive type, inattentive type or a combination of both. But very generally, ADHD impacts executive functioning in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This part helps with organization, impulse control and concentration. ADHD symptoms can include fidgeting, constant movement, hyperactivity (both in the body and internally in the form of racing thoughts, having a million 'tabs' open) struggles with transitions, acting out and sleep problems. Evidence shows that ADHD brains generally mature at a slower rate with a lag of up to three years. While this normally equalizes by the time a person reaches the age of 25, it can be harder to manage some of these delays from an emotional and social standpoint. Short term memory can be impacted and oftentimes people come across as forgetful or less attentive. They can be hit with labels like "lazy" or "careless" and are blamed for their challenges. But it is important to remember that children with ADHD are not purposefully or intentionally causing strife. They often know what they need to do, and struggle with motivation or putting a plan in place. Sometimes there can be a sense of paralysis that is so overwhelming it leaves them feeling stuck. So how can you support children with ADHD in your family? Most importantly, you can point out all of the wonderful things about our brains. They are as unique as a fingerprint and often times those with ADHD are highly intelligent, extremely creative and lead full and purposeful lives. Neurodiversity is not synonymous with 'less than'. There are many highly successful people with ADHD including Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Michael Phelps and Simone Biles to name a few. Many CEOs have ADHD and some say up to 60% of self made millionaires also have the disorder. Unfortunately, many children, especially from earlier generations were thought to be disruptive, manipulative, difficult, and unmotivated learners. However, ADHD symptoms can include forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, zoning out, emotional dysregulation and extreme feelings of overwhelm. Sometimes there is too much going on that a person can feel completely flooded. Imagine trying to focus on a task when there are so many other things happening at once. How do you know where to start? We can all relate to that intense feeling of having so much to do at once and not knowing which direction to go in. Some people with ADHD get very good at 'masking' symptoms so they can behave a certain way in public but find it extremely emotional and physically draining. An outsider may have no idea what they are contending with internally because they are so good at acting in line with others.
So what does it feel like? "Having ADHD is like you're trying to pedal uphill on a bike, but it's not in gear so you're going backward. You're trying, but it's just not going. Sometimes I get so irrational and angry because I try so hard."
- Amari, 17 (from What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Dr. Sharon Saline) What do you do if you suspect your child may have ADHD? Seek help Go to your family doctor and ask for a referral to a pediatrician for an ADHD assessment (I know that not everyone has a family doctor and this in itself can be a big challenge). Talk to your school about your concerns. It varies by school and district, but in some areas by the time kids are in Grade 4, they can be seen by the district psychologist and qualify for a psychoeducational assessment. This is a a full assessment that examines IQ and areas of struggle and giftedness. Often times, ADHD comes with superpowers and high intelligence in certain areas is common. This assessment provides a blueprint of your child's learning profile that parents can use to advocate, seek assistance and refer to as children grow up. It can also form an important part of an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) at their school. In my experience, we had to go the private route for a psycheducational assessment which can be costly (approx 4K) because we knew we could not wait three years. I know this is a privilege that not all families can afford. This frustrates me because it highlights the inequality that exists. However, I also feel that the more people that can go private, the less strain there is on the system for those that cannot. The assessment is not a guarantee of an IEP but often ADHD is comorbid with other conditions which may require additional support like dyslexia, dysgraphia and processing delays. Anxiety also can go hand in hand with ADHD and low feelings of self worth. Even if your child does not qualify for an IEP but does have a diagnosis of ADHD or just struggles with some of the symptoms, speaking with your teacher is huge benefit. Teachers are educated on how to support kids and can bring in many helpful strategies to guide their learning. Fidget chairs, exercise breaks, quiet study spots and gentle music in the background are all helpful tools. Getting extra support from the school counsellor is also extremely beneficial. The important part is to get curious about what your child struggles with and advocate at the school for individualized support. Always remember to focus on your child's strengths and use positive reinforcement as much as you can when you notice them doing well in an area. We know that there are several different ways to learn and grow and schools are doing a much better job of providing a range of techniques and learning strategies. Tutoring is also a helpful tool and can help boost a child's confidence and self esteem in their abilities. One on one support gives them the chance to thrive. Supporting them early can allow them to catch up and be on par with their classmates. Or it can even take them far beyond.
Consider medication We went through the range of emotions when it came to medication. But after careful research and an open mind, trying medication felt like the right choice. Knowing that there was something that could help prevent many of the challenges later in life, we thought it would not hurt to try. Supporting kids at a young age can help prevent more significant issues later on like reckless behaviour, addiction and risk taking. Stimulants are not a wean on/ wean off type of medication and many people choose to medicate only on school days. You can also try it in the short term and see if it is the right fit for your family. In our case, it was a night and day experience. We went from having a child who was struggling, getting reports of being difficult, not listening and not participating.... to teachers who had nothing but positive reports. The negative emails from the school stopped and the benefits were too many to count including increased self esteem, better focus, a feeling like they could "hear the teacher better" and less friendship challenges. Medication is a personal choice and comes with some challenges (sometimes sleep and appetite can be impacted) but it is definitely a helpful -- if not life changing -- tool. Seeing these differences in your child really solidifies the understanding that they are not misbehaving intentionally. This was a lightbulb moment that made me have much more empathy, patience and knowledge when it came to offering support. I definitely recommend doing your research on medication and moving forward with whatever works best for your family situation. There is too much to cover in one blog but one thing I will mention is that a diagnosis of ADHD in a child sometimes leads to a diagnosis of a parent. The genetic link in this condition is very high, some say as much as 80% chance of at least one parent also having ADHD. It can be very hard to come to this realization as an adult, but it can also be liberating. Sharing this with your child can bring a special connection and help normalize some of the struggles. On the other hand, many adults who are diagnosed later in life sink into a depression when looking back on their lives and realizing how it could have been different had they known earlier. It can take some time to process everything and move forward in a positive way. Therapy can definitely help and there are many ADHD coaches that can support adults in this way.
Below you will find some resources that I have found helpful and that I recommend to clients. I hope that they will lead you on the right path to clearer waters and a better understanding of ADHD. If you would like additional support please do not hesitate to reach out.
Resources:
Adult assessment
https://adultadhdcentre.com/assessment/
Educational Tool for Parents https://healthymindslearning.ca/rollingwith-adhd/
What is ADHD? Symptoms and biological understanding https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4EnPp_IOkQ (7 types of ADHD, explanation of what they entail, by Dr. Marie Filion)
IEP Info
https://bccpac.bc.ca/index.php/resources/39-inclusive-education/45-individual-education-plans-a-guide-for-parents
Magazine and Books:
Excellent resources for ADHD info
Website and magazine, informative articles, new research, and free workshops
https://www.additudemag.com
How to ADHD
https://www.youtube.com/c/howtoadhd Taking Charge of Adult ADHD - Dr. Russell Barkley
What your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew - Dr. Sharon Saline
